Advances from male clients

305

Dear Joan:
I am a female salesperson and I travel a great deal on my job. Most of the customers I call on are men (this is a very male dominated field) and they aren't used to dealing with professional women in this role.

The problem I have experienced more than once is the problem of flirtation and sexual remarks designed to get a reaction out of me. I had a recent experience with a customer (who is married), whom I took out to dinner. He had said a few things in the past that troubled me a little such as comments about the fun I must have traveling alone and the freedoms of being a single woman. I ignored them or laughed them off. When we were out to dinner, he drank too much and told me some negative things about his wife and tried to make a pass at me. Needless to say it was extremely awkward and when I put him off he became annoyed and it has since affected our business relationship. Do you have any suggestions on how to avoid more problems in this area? I try to be very professional and I certainly don't want to encourage this kind of behavior.

Answer:
Thank goodness problems like this are becoming less of an issue, as men and women learn to deal with one another as professionals, instead of relating to members of the opposite sex only in the traditional roles as spouses, lovers or friends.

Ignoring or laughing off a sexual remark usually neutralizes it while allowing the deliverer to save face and get the hint. In your case, you may need to be more direct. Perhaps your laughter was interpreted as encouragement. Stop laughing. A mildly disparaging scowl or, "You know better than that!" may work. You may want to react even stronger, depending on the comment.

If a future customer begins to cross into "my wife doesn't understand me" territory, head him off at the pass with a comment such as, "I really don't feel comfortable discussing this." Get right back to business and end the lunch or dinner early. When appropriate, invite your customer's spouse to dinner. This will set the right tone and may be appreciated by the spouse, as well.
Another approach is to invite several people to dinner. This stops problems before they start and can help you get to know your customer's boss and other significant contacts. Finally, lunches may be a better setting than dinners in which to do business-even though room service is a lonely alternative after a long day.

Never discuss your personal life in detail or leave any openings that may lead to intimate disclosures. Some women-and men- who travel cut off speculation about their status by mentioning a "significant other" or spouse-even if they don't exist. Some wear a gold band when they travel to discourage advances. They say it makes life easier.

Since you've had this problem with more than one person, let's do a quick check to make sure you haven't been sending any mixed signals. Have you been careful to choose suits and dresses that are purely professional? Some "day-to-evening" outfits look great in the fashion magazines but comes across as "let's party" in real life. Do you choose clothes that are loose fitting and that cover all the right geography? Before you answer, bend at the waist and check yourself from all angles in a full-length mirror. Also, dress designers who recommend "any length skirt" haven't worked a day in your shoes: choose a skirt length with ample coverage.

Normally, makeup and a subtle perfume are perfectly appropriate at work. Since some of your customers may be misreading you, don't wear any perfume on the job. Do you wear the same amount of makeup during the day as you do for a date? If so, you may be overdoing it at bit. Is your jewelry understated and business-like?

Hopefully you've been saying, "I know all that already!" Now let's move to body language. Studies of men and women show differences that may be misread by the other sex. For example, women (in general) tend to stand closer to the person they are talking to then men do. More women than men touch the person they are talking to when making a personal connection in a conversation. Examine your behavior with your male customers for any signals that could be misunderstood.

As your male clients are exposed to more professional women at work and in their personal lives, these incidents are likely to decrease. In the meantime, send the right signals and guide them to appropriate behaviors that will build solid professional relationships.

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