Co-worker with bad smell should be confronted - gently

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Dear Joan:
We have a very delicate situation at work that we don’t know how to handle and we thought we would turn to you for advice. We work in an office where there are five people in the same room in a very open space. In other words, there is no privacy.

One person sits in the middle of the room who has been coming in to work with very bad body odor. It’s so bad that you notice it as soon as you walk into the office. It is very offensive but we don’t know quite how to broach the subject with the offending person. This has just happened recently. There were occurrences prior to this time but only occasionally. We can tell this person bathes- her hair is clean - but the odor is so strong that we can’t imagine why she can’t smell it herself. She was just out of the office for a few days and as soon as she got in this morning and took her coat off, the odor was enough to send you to another room. This is a very nice person we are talking about, so we don’t want to hurt her feelings, but this situation needs to be addressed and soon. Please give us any advice you can.

Answer:
This is one of the toughest situations to handle. There is no easy way to tell someone something like this without embarrassment on both sides. Probably the best way to frame it in your own mind is this: If this person were your spouse, child or best friend, how would you handle it? When you think about it like this, you’re more inclined to take a caring but straightforward approach.

Sometimes people who are in your shoes want to take the anonymous route; for instance, leaving deodorant on her desk without a note. While it might get the point across, I think this can be more embarrassing and hurtful than simply being direct with the person. The individual will wonder who left it, or she will think that everyone is talking about her behind her back.

Although it takes courage to confront the person, it’s more caring in the long run. Here is a suggestion. In a private moment (in the rest room, cafeteria, etc.) approach her in a matter-of-fact but confidential way, "I noticed that your deodorant is letting you down. Sometimes that happens to me, too. I thought you’d want to know. If it happens to me, I hope you would let me know, too."

The more matter of fact you are, the better the conversation will likely be. If she acts embarrassed, simply restate, "Hey, it can happen to anyone. I just knew you’d want to know, so you could do something about it." Chances are, she’ll thank you. If she’s offended, brush it off. It’s probably just embarrassment in disguise.

Dear Joan:
Our General Manager is a woman, as is the case in many businesses these days. However, there are still a few resumes that come in addressed to "Gentlemen." In today’s world, I would think it’s better to be safe than sorry with "Sir/Madam."

A worse case however, was one potential candidate who called in for a phone interview, only to mistake the person he was talking to, the General Manager, as the Receptionist. While she admits her name leads to confusion (Pat could be male or female), after repeating to the man that he was speaking to Pat, he continued to say, "No, I need to speak to the General Manager who sent me the e-mail."

The blatant expectation that he should be dealing with a man is not a good first impression to a company that you want to be hired by. Perhaps if you address this issue, those who hadn’t realized that they are hurting their chances will think twice the next time they send off a resume. It may prevent their own embarrassment, as well as a quick decision not to consider them as a candidate.

Answer:
Sometimes it’s the little things that can derail a potential candidate. Ideally, your cover letter salutation should be addressed to the person, "Ms. Johnson." To find out the person’s name, simply call the company.

Dear Joan:
I think that I’m in the running for the same job as a friend. Should I withdraw?

I recently applied for a great job that matches my knowledge, skills and experience. I knew that my friend worked for the same firm, but we haven’t been in touch for a couple of months and I wasn’t aware of the particular job she was doing. In addition, I was informed that the position I was interviewing for was a new position. I didn’t call my friend, because I wanted to get the job on my own merits.

Two days after I sent in my resume, I was called for an interview. I was interviewed by four people. About a week later, I was called for a second interview, and I was interviewed by three additional people.

In the meantime, I bumped into a mutual acquaintance who told me that my friend was in the process of reapplying for her "own" job, because she had to after 30-60 days. That seemed odd.

Now that I put two and two together, I think that my friend has been doing the job on a "temporary" basis. And it is probably the job she’s re-applying for. Oops!

Should I call my friend and ask her if that’s the case? Should I call the firm and withdraw my candidacy, or should I let the chips fall where they fall? What’s the right thing to do?

Answer:
I don’t see any reason to withdraw. You have no reason to doubt that this is indeed a "new" job. They are obviously interested in you, or they wouldn’t have done such a thorough job of interviewing you. If it is your friend’s job, and she doesn’t get hired, she had a good chance to prove she was the best person for the job but she blew it. I doubt this is your friend’s job, but it would be a good move to call her anyway. Simply say that you are applying for a job in her company and ask her what she can tell you about the company.

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