Effective feedback reduces defensiveness & helps employees succeed

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I have a new employee who is an excellent addition to our staff. I’ll call him Pat. He joined my department six months ago. The problem is that he is alienating his coworkers. I am receiving numerous complaints about his superiority and arrogance. People are starting to avoid him and don’t want to work with him. I would call his overall behavior trying to “rescue” the department. He acts like he knows all the answers and constantly refers back to his prior experience at his former employer and how he solved many problems there. It’s as if he is saying, “I am smarter than you are and I know how to solve every problem.”

I think I may have caused some of the problem. When I interviewed him, he was informed of some of the problems our department faces. I made it clear that he was being hired, in part, because of his background that could help us fix some of the problems. (We work in the IT department of a large insurance company.)

He is a specialist and has no direct supervisory responsibilities but he does lead several project teams that have been assigned some key areas to fix. In one of those teams, several of our “customers” are members. Recently, one of those customers made a comment to me, “How do you think Pat is working out?” I told her I thought he was doing fine. She then said, “I’m surprised he made it beyond the probationary period. You must be seeing something that I’m not seeing.” She went on to give me similar examples that I hear from other people. I was very upset by this because this customer is very important to our success.

Now I’m feeling as if I’ve made a terrible mistake. But what can I do? Our company doesn’t fire many people and his job performance has been fine. It’s his attitude that is creating all these problems for himself. I’ve suggested that he needs to get to know people and listen to their ideas but he doesn’t seem to be listening. Do you have any suggestions? If he doesn’t change soon, he may never recover from the damage he is doing to himself.

Answer:

There’s nothing wrong with telling a new employee that there are problems to solve and you need his help. Where you might be making a bigger mistake is not telling him exactly what he is doing and how it is interfering with his desired goals.

You say his performance is “fine,” but it isn’t even close to fine. If he is alienating people in his position, he can’t be doing fine. He is expected to lead teams where people feel they are valued, satisfy customers’ expectations, and build and execute solutions as a team. None of his technical skills are going to get used if no one can stand working with him. In fact, you are starting to see he is creating more problems than he is fixing.

It’s time to plan a meeting where you can tell him the truth about what is happening. The things to remember are:

• Describe his behavior; don’t judge it.
• Tell him exactly how it is hurting him.
• Have plenty of examples to illustrate your point.
• Use first-hand examples, if you have them. Things you’ve actually observed. Using co-worker feedback can backfire and make the team interaction worse.
• Tie the feedback to his desire to have his projects succeed.
• Assume he has positive intentions and say so.
• Role-play situations with the employee and show him specific alternative methods/language you want him to use.

I could sound like this: “Pat I know you are working hard to pull your team together to fix the X system problems.” (His goal)

“But I’ve been noticing something that is getting in the way and I want to talk with you about it.”

“When you are leading Team Y, I have observed you taking a dominant role and not listening to the ideas some of the team members are giving. I’ve seen you interrupt Jack and others several times and talk over them. When Sue offered an idea you said, “I’ve tried that before and I know it doesn’t work. In my old job we never would have even suggested trying that.” She stopped talking and she was quiet for the rest of the meeting. Your comment shut down the open discussion the group was having. Then you went on to go into detail about your solution. (Describe his behavior and give examples.) I don’t think your intention (assume positive intentions) is to alienate people but I can see it happening.”

“If you don’t change your approach, I’m concerned that people won’t want to work with you on this team or other projects. (How it’s hurting him) I’ve heard comments from a customer that indicates that she doesn’t think you listen to her or others. I won’t be able to put you on key projects that involve the customer if you can’t modify your behavior (how it’s hurting him) and I know that’s not what you want.” (assume positive intent.).  Ask him to come to you for coaching, when he has questions on how to handle specific situations.  Set up a follow up date for the two of you to discuss his progress.

Giving negative feedback and holding employees accountable for change is always one of the most challenging tasks of a manager. Done well, it can reduce defensiveness while helping your employee to succeed.

Confronting poor performance, or difficult behaviors, is difficult.  Joan Lloyd’s How to Coach & Give Feedback learning system is a step-by-step approach to giving feedback to your employees, your coworkers, or even your boss.  Actually reduces defensiveness and encourages open communication.  Now available in CD!