Hostile leader doesn't fit organization's culture
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Dear Joan:
I have worked for more than five years in an organization characterized by cooperation and strong teamwork. While we have a clear organizational hierarchy, our mission and philosophy, which is decades old and vital, emphasizes mutual respect from the top to the front lines. I am struggling with a relatively new top-level manager in another department (one level above me) with whom I must interact. She has an aggressive, win-lose orientation.
In multiple situations, I have tried to cooperate with her but find that she asserts her demands, expects compliance, moves on when she gets what she needs, and entirely ignores my reasonable requests for information or cooperation from her.
At meetings, she has even spoken to her peers in a hostile tone, that makes people back off. At a meeting I chair, she interrupts and cuts off discussion. She raids other departments to meet last-minute needs for staff, gaps caused partly because she fired a long-standing and respected administrative staff person.
I have communicated assertively and respectfully, but her response has been insulting and dismissive. My conflict-avoidant supervisor has allowed this behavior, which is starting to damage our otherwise excellent relationship.
I believe this manager is looking to use my skills on a project she has recently devised, that will usurp a project I've been working on for months. How can I effectively stand my ground in this situation?
Answer:
Sounds like a bad sequel to The Devil Wears Prada. You can bet you aren’t the only one struggling with this misfit. In fact, I’m surprised she made it through the screening process. Either she interviews well and fooled everyone, or her boss felt her skills were prized enough to hire her, in spite of her reputation. Another way she could have slipped past the normal vetting process is the references weren’t completely honest about the wreckage she left behind in her former jobs.
Typically your supervisor would step in and keep things civil, but she seems to be intimidated by her peer. I suggest that you go to your boss and tell her you don’t want to give up the project you’ve been working so hard on. Tell her you think the other manager is planning on using you for one of her projects. Explain that you plan on telling this manager you must finish your own project and can’t take on her project. Specifically ask your supervisor to back you up on this. If she refuses, be frank about your unwillingness to work with her (if you haven’t already). Give specific examples about how she treats you and others.
The bottom line is your boss is the one to make the decision. If she tells you that you must take this project on, tell her you’ll do it but you won’t be subjected to disrespectful treatment. Explain that the culture and values of the company dictate that this is unacceptable and that you will come to her and go to your boss’s boss if this treatment continues.
The good news is that the abusive manager must value your skills, or she wouldn’t be interested in working with you. The bad news is that she could end up making your life so miserable you will want to leave your job—especially if no one will hold her accountable for her behavior.
I have been involved in many scenarios like this in my coaching work. Leaders with this behavior pattern usually don’t go unchecked indefinitely. Often, the negative noise increases to the point where they are confronted and told to change—or else. A lot depends on who her boss is. If he or she is a strong leader, and believes in upholding the culture of the company, it won’t be tolerated for long. The question is how long can you tolerate it yourself, before it begins to impact your satisfaction? Undoubtedly, you are a valued employee and your protests will count. Try to outlast her.
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Confronting poor performance, or difficult behaviors, is difficult. Joan Lloyd’s
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Joan Lloyd is a Milwaukee based executive coach and organizational & leadership development strategist. She is known for her ability to help leaders and their teams achieve measurable, lasting improvements. Joan Lloyd & Associates, specializes in leadership development, organizational change and teambuilding, providing: executive coaching, CEO coaching & team coaching, 360-degree feedback processes, customized training (leadership skills, presentation skills, internal consulting skills & facilitation skills), team conflict resolution and retreat facilitation.
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