Look for the best in special days for secretaries, daughters

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No wonder employers are frustrated and employees are confused. Nothing is as simple as it seems. Even what appears to be a good idea, with good intentions, often gets mired in controversy.

Take National Secretaries Day for example. It seems so straightforward and positive doesn't it? Yet, listen to the comments I've heard lately. "We don't want to be called 'secretaries' anymore. We want to be treated as 'partners' and 'assistants'. When we get a gift for being secretaries, it almost seems patronizing and demeaning in a way." Another person said, "Our company doesn't have a special day to recognize other specialized professions, so why should we do a special thing for secretaries?" In another company I heard, "We have male assistants in our company, so are we supposed to give them flowers, too?"

In another situation, a group of female managers were discussing how the company owner handled Secretaries Day. They told me that the well-meaning owner had given all the women in his company flowers for Secretaries Day, regardless of whether they were secretaries or managers. Although he probably thought his inclusive gesture was a positive act, he offended everyone. Some of the secretaries thought he had missed the entire point; he was supposed to be recognizing the unsung secretaries for their hard work. The female managers were insulted that they were grouped with the secretaries just because they were women.

Another example is National Take Your Daughter to Work Day, April 23. It seems like such a great idea. Exposing young girls to different possibilities was meant to broaden their view of what women could do in the world of work. It was supposed to showcase their mothers and fathers as role models. The rationale is that young girls have traditionally been limited in their expectations about what they can become. Take Your Daughter to Work Day is a novel way for companies to participate in broadening the perspective of the next generation of female workers. Ah...that is, before the backlash started...

"Why can't we bring our sons to work?" "If I don't have a daughter, can I bring my niece?" "Why do I get stuck with more work on that day, when my co-workers are busy entertaining their daughters all day?"

Is it any wonder why companies throw up their hands and say, "Forget it!"

Here is how I see it. Special events such as Secretaries Day and Take Your Daughter to Work Day were initiated because it's nice to focus special attention on groups that tend to get overlooked or neglected. And because it is a special thing done for a special group, there will always be those who raise the equity question. In the ideal world, secretaries (and everyone else, for that matter) would be appreciated for the vital role they fill, and wouldn't need a special day. In the future, I hope every young girl will grow up knowing they can choose any profession they want.

Until then, can't we all just back off a little and do what makes sense? Rather than throwing the baby out with the bath water, why not think through what the intentions are behind these special days and work toward a better outcome? If employees want to bring their sons to work, too, start a Take Your Child to Work Day, or have one day for boys and another for girls. If you are a manager who is wondering what to do about Secretaries Day, err on the side of thanking your secretary with a small gift or a training course that will increase his or her skills. But make sure that isn't the only way you show your appreciation all year. If it's a token effort, done just because it's Secretaries Day, you're opening yourself up for a backlash. If you are a secretary, who has a problem with Secretaries Day, educate your manager beforehand.

If you treat your assistant more like a partner throughout the year, it's a gift in itself. Show appreciation for the many services he or she provides all year long, such as screening phone calls, making guests comfortable, and helping you make your correspondence and presentations look first class. It means a simple thank you, it means paying attention and noticing when they do something above and beyond, and yes, it can also mean an occasional small gift. Some secretaries have their own business cards so they can introduce themselves professionally. Secretaries appreciate it when their manager won't tolerate anyone else treating their assistant disrespectfully.   Respect also comes in the form of giving your assistant the authority and responsibility to make some decisions.

In the case of Take Your Daughter to Work Day, companies have different philosophies. For instance, some prohibit children at all times, no matter what. In other cases, children are welcome at all times and are actually seen as energizers. Of course, it's also understood that parents need to be responsible about this privilege. These companies see this as part of building a family culture and therefore don't need one special day for bringing children in to work.

We all know that people don't always see things as we do. We also know that things like this aren't always perceived as fair, equitable or perfect. But if the intention is to help and not to hurt, look for the best in the situation, and then move on.

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