Manager’s Grinch-like behavior: unethical, or just penny wise and pound foolish?

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Dear Joan:
I work for a small department of a large employer who frequently receives holiday gifts from vendors with whom we do business, as a thank you, at the end of the year.  However, when we receive the gifts, we aren't allowed to open them to enjoy.  Rather, our boss tells us not to touch them because we will re-gift them to other people (sometimes other departments that never work with these vendors, sometimes outsiders) in order to save money.

This greatly upsets the worker bees because not only do we think it's rude, we feel that the giver meant for us to have it because they value the work we do with them throughout the year.  (No, the dollar values are not over our corporate compliance policy either.)  Not being allowed to enjoy it makes us feel like we aren't supposed to feel appreciated.

We are also told that our department really doesn't need the food items. We're all aware that we don't really "need" the cookies, candy, etc. that come in; it's all part of Christmas cheer.  It's the principle of it that bothers us because we feel like we don't get a say in it. (On a side note, we did mention it to one of our vendors.  He was dumbfounded by what was happening with his gift.)

What's worse is that we also have to sign a thank you note to the sender with personalized notes about the gift.  In addition, we're told that we need to choose who we're sending the gift on to.

By the way, we aren't opposed to giving gifts to other departments, or outsiders.  We just feel that we can budget the $50 it might take to give gifts, to be able to keep someone's thoughtful gesture in our area.

How should we tactfully bring this up with our boss to let her know how much it's hurting morale?

Answer:
This is a joke right? You’re testing me to see if I really read my all my mail! 

Your boss must have had coal in her stocking when she was a child. This whole notion is so Grinch-like, I am stunned (and I thought I had heard it all.)

If I put myself in your boss’s shoes (and it is a struggle) and try to rationalize why she would do this, I can only come up with the idea that she doesn’t think that vendor relationships need to be rewarded. Or, that she is worried that the “payola” could influence your vendor selection in the coming year. (However, I have yet to see anyone base a vendor decision on their annual box of chocolate crèmes.)  And even Scrooge didn’t make his employees turn over their gifts so he could re-gift them, and he was the king of cheap. At least Scrooge made it clear he didn’t want gifts at all.

Not only are you forced to give up your gift, but you have to write a thank you for the gift you weren’t allowed to keep? This is like yanking your kid’s gifts out of their hands and giving them to the neighbor children, and then telling them they have to write a heartfelt thank you to Santa. (Would your boss have given away her real Barbie doll or Chutes and Ladders?)

If I were a vendor, I’d be angry that my gift was passed on like meaningless chattel…a monetary object of no real worth to the receiver. When I buy someone a gift, I mean it for the person, not to make that person look good when she gives it to someone else!

Everyone’s a kid at Christmas. Giving and getting a box of goodies is a wonderful way to spread good cheer and well wishes between business partners who work together all year. Business can be tough and stressful the rest of the year, but let the magic of the holidays create a little peace on earth…even if it only lasts a little while.

How to tell your boss? Wrap a piece of coal in this column and put it on her desk.

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