Nepotism – when “family” interferes with performance management

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Dear Joan:
We have a situation at work that seems like it might be nepotism.  In our department we have an employee that is the daughter of another employee that works in another department.  The two departments report up through the same VP who is the head of the division.

I manage, and so give the daughter feedback to improve her technical capability and improve the way she interacts with her fellow employees, as per our value system.  For the past year and half, I've conducted one-on-ones with the employee and documented specific incidents where she has not improved and continued to repeat the same mistakes.

In addition, I've documented what she is doing right and should continue to do right. Meanwhile, the mother has complained to the VP about my conduct and has said that I should be removed from my management position.  

I have eight other employees, who are very satisfied with my performance as a people manager, and it is documented in my performance reviews and 360-degree feedback over the last 2 years. And I received a high rating from my boss.  

Meanwhile the head of HR, who reports to the VP, has requested a meeting with me to discuss my employee's concerns.  Am I right to feel that the mother should not be interfering here and that this opens the company up to a nepotism case?

Answer:

This mother should butt out. It is none of her business and, frankly, reflects poorly on her own professional judgment.

If the daughter has an issue with your treatment of her, she needs to be adult enough to address it with you directly, instead of crying to her mother and expecting her mom to fight her battles for her. It’s not impossible though, that the mother is just overzealous and has stepped in without any prompting by her daughter.  However, I’d put money on a bet that she also had her mom running into school and scolding her teachers for being mean and unfair.

Since you already know that her mother has been vocal about wanting you removed from your manager job, I’m assuming you learned of this through your boss. I’m curious as to why she has been given an ear by your VP and the head of HR. Why haven’t they

told her it was inappropriate for her to  make such a demand?

I recommend that you circle back to your VP (or your boss, if they are different people) and ask him, or her, what has been told to the mother, when she complained in the past. I would also verify that your boss and the VP support your course of action with your employee.

Hopefully, the purpose of the meeting with HR is to follow up with you, to validate that you are indeed following appropriate protocol and giving your employee proper coaching and feedback. If so, the head of HR can go back to the mother and tell her that you are doing what a good boss does when an employee is off course. At that point, the head of HR and the VP should coach her to stay out of it.

However, if you find that your boss suddenly backs away under pressure from the VP and/or HR, and the mother influences them to see it her way, you have a problem. If they are going to yield to the mother, you are in an unworkable position.

You would have no influence over this employee in the future. Your authority would be taken from you and handed to the mother and her daughter. Any work you delegate, feedback you give, performance reviews you do, will be cause for future complaints by the mother/daughter duo.

If, however, you discover that you have been unfair to your employee in any way, accept responsibility and make a correction. However, I would make it clear that it is your correction to make, based on what you learn from the employee—not the mother’s influence.

Your case is a prime example of why nepotism is a bad idea in the workplace. Hopefully, your management team will see it for what it is and set boundaries in place for the mother, so you can continue to do your job responsibly.

Confronting poor performance, or difficult behaviors, is difficult.  Joan Lloyd’s How to Coach & Give Feedback learning system is a step-by-step approach to giving feedback to your employees, your coworkers, or even your boss.  Actually reduces defensiveness and encourages open communication.  Now available in CD!