Readers respond to recent favoritism in workplace column

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Dear Joan:

I have experience similar to what you have described in your recent column about favoritism (read the article: Favoritism and inconsistency - when leaders fail to lead), the twist being I was one of the favorites. I never see a favorite writing in to complain, but I am!

I was extremely uncomfortable with this situation. This person obviously favored me, as well as one or two others, but we did do our jobs, weren’t tardy or missing in action, and weren’t troublemakers. However, we were allowed to pretty much dictate our comings and goings (if we chose to), while the other non-exempt employees were told they had to come in at 8, leave at 5. There was no flexibility, no allowances for doctor’s appointments, children’s events, (meaning some of us had this flexibility and some didn’t.).

When I asked about this, my boss said I (and other “favorites”) could be trusted but the others couldn’t. I didn’t take advantage of this, particularly because I didn’t want to further inflame the situation. Morale was already poor enough.

I still don’t get it. Why didn’t he just take care of poor performance if that was the problem? Interestingly, just like your boss in today’s letter, this boss hated confrontation but didn’t mind complaining about subordinates behind their backs to other subordinates.

Just an example of how sometimes the “favorites” aren’t any happier with poor leadership than the “targets”. Poor leadership affects everyone.

Answer:

You’re right. No one has ever written to complain about being a “favorite” before. And I’m so glad you did. Obviously, you are a very good performer with a mature outlook.

Your experience underscores the damage a weak, non-confrontational leader causes. Rather than create an unfair work environment, your manager should have allowed everyone to have the same opportunities and then deal with those who took unfair advantage of the flexibility.

Dear Joan:

I am a college educated professional in my 40’s. I have worked with supposed “professional” people all my life. I have had this problem with inconsistency and favoritism in the last two jobs and in the current job I have. Without going into all the details, as your article sums up the problem well, I was forced to leave a job three years ago, when a co-worker “came after me” and the owner of the company failed to take action against the problem co-worker. I even talked to the police, told the boss what the police said, and the boss failed to take any action. This is my most extreme example of a dysfunctional workplace.

In my current job, the manager is an enabler and does not take the appropriate action of firing the problem employees.

I, therefore, differ with your advice of advising the employee to leave the company. This kind of problem exists in most companies in America today. The employee will only find this same kind of problem in other companies. I have a friend who works for a “professional” company—an insurance agency. The same problem exists at her company.

The core issue is that American managers have lost their backbone and no longer discipline workers.  Therefore, until that changes, and I’m not holding my breath, the problem will continue.

Answer:

Because of the stew pot of different human variables, it’s virtually impossible to create the ideal organization. But with that said, I do agree that in many cases, managers today have lost their backbone, or don’t have the skills to lead.

Several factors have contributed to this problem:

·        Managers are worried about being sued by an angry employee.

·      Technical managers are promoted to leadership roles with little training or support.

·        Difficulty finding qualified workers fosters the philosophy, “a problem performer is at least better than no one at all.”

·        Manipulative employees, with an entitlement mentality, have learned how to play the system.

·        Extremely high pressure for results with fewer people, can cause a manager to be spread so thin, he or she doesn’t take time to interact proactively with the staff or confront problems.

·        Flatter organizational structures often create managers who are “meetinged to death.” They are on so many projects, they aren’t around very much to see or manage their staff.

·        Many organizations aren’t doing a good job of preparing and selecting leaders.

Obviously, leaving an unfair situation is not the only solution. However, it’s a choice you made after all other avenues were explored. While you will never find Nirvana, I think you have demonstrated that sometimes it’s better to leave, than to stay in a dysfunctional workplace that erodes your mental health or physical safety.

There are many good managers I interact with on a regular basis, and I work with hundreds each year. Most managers have good intentions and are willing to work hard at improving their skills and approach. On the whole, I’m encouraged.

Confronting poor performance, or difficult behaviors, is difficult for many managers.  Joan Lloyd’s How to Coach & Give Feedback learning system is a step-by-step approach to help you help your employees make changes in their performance that will enable them to succeed on the job.  Actually reduces defensiveness and encourages open communication.  Now available in CD!