Tips on dealing with office romance

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Cupid has appeared on the corporate scene, and nobody knows exactly what to do about him.

Years ago, it was more clear-cut. When a corporate romance bloomed, the woman was usually forced to quit.

Valentine's Day, finds us in a new environment. As more women enter upper management ranks, corporate romance is occurring between people in positions of authority.

The business community is still largely unprepared or unwilling to establish guidelines.

The book, "Corporate Romance - (How to Avoid It, Live Through It or Make It Work for You)" by Leslie Westhoff, tries to make sense of it all. She has collected information from many business professionals in an effort to provide practical alternatives to the chaotic firings and transfers that have become standard responses to corporate romances.

The following assorted reminders on how to deal with a relationship in the office are offered by Westhoff to help business professionals during this transitional period.

·        Decide in advance whether you will have a romantic relationship in the office if the opportunity arises. If you wait until you are involved, it will be too thorny to extricate yourself easily.

·        If you wish to discourage a romantic relationship, start talking about a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse - even if that persona doesn't exist.

·        Never, ever, have a relationship with a person to whom you report. If you really want to have the relationship, move elsewhere.

·        Don't have a relationship with someone in your company unless you can stay far enough away from each other so your work won't be influenced by the other person.

·        Do not have a romance with a married colleague.

·        If you have a painful breakup with someone at the office, don't allow yourself to be obsessed about something that didn't work. Take on some other meaningful activity.

·        Tie yourself into a support network to find out how other people have handled romantic situations within your company. Know what the precedents are so you don't make mistakes.

·        The more flirtatious he or she gets, the more business-like you should get. Use body language to drive the point home.
If you feel the need to turn someone off, try to do it without hurting his or her ego.

·        If your supervisor is suddenly beginning to find fault with your work and you are having a romance, beware. This is probably a sign the company doesn't like it and is trying to tell you - or get rid of you.

·        If you are in love, don't get light-headed because you feel great. Unfortunately, people often look for such and opportunity to express resentment, and may find your overt happiness offensive.

·        Consider keeping your relationship secret until you see how serious it is going to be.

·        Make sure the corporation realizes you are spending your time on business, even if you have a romance. Spend office hours apart, no notes or messages on the computer system. Don't allow yourself to wander the halls to get a glimpse of your friend.

·        If you are a woman in a male organization, be aware that you will have more attention paid to what you do.

·        If you marry a male colleague, consider keeping your own name. It minimizes the perception that the two of you are constantly exchanging information. It also gives you a more independent, professional appearance.

·        Understand that there are two elements to career success. One is your actual performance: the other is how you are perceived. A flirtatious person who is not having an affair may incur harsher judgment than a discreet person who is. Be totally professional at all times.