Use tact when addressing personal hygiene

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Dear Joan:
I work in an area with 11 other people. The woman at the desk next to mine is an OK person, but I believe she's never heard of deodorant! I try to ignore it, but I cringe if she heads in my direction. I think some other people notice it, too, but we never talk about it. Our supervisor is a man, and not the type you'd go to about personal issues. Do I have to tell? Or do I just put up with it?

Answer:
It's amazing how often I'm asked this question! I took an informal poll of people in office situations and here's what they said:

1)     "Ask to have my seat moved."

2)     “Put a stick of deodorant in her coat pocket with a note: `From a well-meaning friend.'"

3)     "Let the boss handle it."

4)     "Try the open, honest approach."

This is one of those tough situations that makes everyone uncomfortable. No matter who tells her, or how it's done, she will undoubtedly be embarrassed. The key is to be respectful of her and handle it the same way you would want someone to tell you.

If you'd rather suffer in silence than tell her yourself, you might want to try suggestions one, two or three listed above.

If this problem is affecting her interactions with co-workers, customers, and ultimately her effectiveness, it's her boss's responsibility to talk to her about it. However, from your description of your boss, it appears that he might be too uncomfortable to talk to her about an issue like this.

If she has a friend in the office, you might want to talk with him or her about this problem. Be sure to emphasize your good intentions and ask for help in figuring out how to tell her. However, this could backfire if you're accused of gossiping about her behind her back.

Perhaps you should tell her yourself. In one version of the "open, honest approach," you could say, " I like you and I care about how other's perceive you. I know you would want to know if there was something getting in the way.... "

Another version might sound more like a deodorant commercial but would blame the product and not the person. You would sound matter of fact and off-hand: "Whatever deodorant you're using is letting you down once in awhile. I've had that problem sometimes myself and I switched to .... It really seems to do the trick for me. I know you value your professional image and you'd want to know about it...I know I sure would."

By telling her that you hope she would reciprocate if there ever was anything you needed to know - no matter how personal, it will soften the blow and feel like you're both looking out for each other. If you do tell her, take her aside and do it in a very private spot where you won't be interrupted. Be sure to chat with her informally later the same day. This friendly conversation will help both of you to overcome some of your discomfort.

This is a tough situation, and I give you credit for trying to find a way of sparing your co-worker from further embarrassment. For some people, however, body odor is a persistent problem that deodorants don't seem to stop. If this is the case, she may be able to get some medical advice.

In any event, the key is to preserve her self-esteem and dignity as much as possible. No matter what you say, emphasize your good intentions. In fact, if she's open to it, you may even suggest that you'd be happy to tip her off if you ever notice the problem again.

Good luck!

Confronting poor performance, or difficult behaviors, is difficult.  Joan Lloyd’s How to Coach & Give Feedback learning system is a step-by-step approach to giving feedback to your employees, your coworkers, or even your boss.  Actually reduces defensiveness and encourages open communication.  Now available in CD!