Networking is about meeting people, exchanging information

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Dear Joan:
My daughter is 30 years old, single, and has a teaching degree. She has been teaching for the last six years but found that she wanted to try something new. She just recently quit to change her career. Unfortunately, she doesn't know what she wants to do now that she isn't teaching anymore and she has no way to support herself because she doesn't have a job. She owns her own home and is single, so she has a mortgage and other obligations to pay.

The problem is that she refuses to accept any help from me. I am very well connected in the city where we live. I belong to a number of professional organizations and I'm on the Board of Directors for several non-profit organizations. Through the years I have helped many young people who approached me for advice and mentoring, and I find it so ironic that my own daughter refuses my help.

My daughter seems to be of the belief that she shouldn't accept her parents, or anyone else's, help. She says, "I need to do it on my own." She thinks networking is using people instead of getting a job on her own merit. As a woman business owner, I know that networking is simply the way business is done. I had just planned on making a few introductions but she won't hear of it. Could you comment on the current thinking about networking?

Answer:
I have discovered that many young people have a misguided notion about networking, especially when it involves their parents' contacts. Although it's understandable that your daughter wants to be independent, she is turning her back on the richest source of information and assistance in the work world: who you know.

I think the resistance comes from a basic misunderstanding about how networking works. For those who are reluctant to network, here are some reasons for you to reconsider:

It isn't that someone is going to get you a job. It isn't about someone with influence who is going to pull a few strings to get you what you want. It isn't about exerting pressure and forcing someone to meet you and help you.

Networking is like a big cocktail party. While you're sipping your drink, you scan the room to see who's there and who might be interesting to talk with. While you're discussing your job with a friend, she mentions that the gentleman across the room works in your field. She walks you over and makes the introduction. As she turns to talk to someone else, you and your new acquaintance are left alone to develop a relationship and exchange information. Most networking is no different. Your friends and acquaintances make introductions but the rest is up to you.

Most business people don't mind networking. In fact, they welcome it. They want to meet people in their industry and are always on the lookout for potential job candidates and for people with whom they can swap information. But they do expect networkers to follow the unspoken rules of protocol:

·        Be courteous with their time. When you call, ask if they have a minute to talk. When you are meeting, and had previously asked for twenty minutes, stick to it, unless they extend the time.

·        Be specific about what you want from them and don't expect them to do your homework for you. For example, if someone contacted you and said, "I'd like to change careers, can you help me?" you'd probably hesitate because it sounds like they need a lot of time. But if the person said she had two specific questions, you would probably be more willing to agree to meet.

·        Write down their advice and the names and numbers of the people they mention. Then be sure to follow up and tell them how their advice was used; what worked and what didn't.

·        Write a thank you note. (Believe it or not some people don't.)

You can't force your daughter to use your contacts but perhaps you can convince her to network on her own. She will soon see that it isn't a political game. It's the way business -and career changing- is done. 

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