Unscrupulous interviewer
1330
Dear Joan:
I am really hesitant to get a job offer because of some doubts I experienced during my interview.
A night before he called me and asked if in case I will be hired for work, would I rather stay with my cousin, or find a place nearer to the office. I said I am comfortable with my cousin.
The next day is my interview. I was applying for secretarial position. He asked me to take off my blazer and to stand, and he stared at me. I asked him I can seat, he said ok.
In my observation, he is staring at me most of the time without saying anything for long. So I say to cut the dead air and ask him what's next or what else.
Is it normal to apply in this position to be asked to take off the blazer and stand? And is it normal to be stared at most of the time?
Also he asked me the question he asked a night before. If I think it’s better to live separate from my cousin and move nearer to the office. In my observation, he wanted me to move separate from my cousin. I chose to move nearer to the office and he said “Very good girl.”
I don't see it as big deal because my cousin's place is not too far. Besides it should be my problem to manage my time right? So long as I can do my job well.
He asked me to do the paperwork. I did, it was not perfect. Yet, he is still interested to hire me. He just asked me to convince him more. I don't know how. He does not ask for anything else to do.
He said he does not see that I am interested in the position. I told him, I am (but deep inside I am hesitant). Another one, he said he does not want his secretary to have boyfriend.
Also when he wants me to look at the document he is holding, he is really too close that I can smell his breath. Is it normal? I mean, he can let me see the document too, but with a little distance right?
The next day he called me and asked when can I start if he will hire me. I honestly said I am hesitant, and feel uncomfortable in the office and I would like to ensure my safety. I asked for another day to think about it, and he allowed me.
What do you think? I badly need your advice. I am in Jumeirah, United Arab Emirates. The manager is a US citizen. He let me see his passport that he is a US citizen. Thank you so much!
Answer:
He is interviewing for a mistress, not an employee. He is dangerous. Run for your life.
You need to listen to your “little voice” inside because it is saying something is not right. Do not accept a job offer from this person. In fact, you may even want to send a copy of this column to this person’s employer.
All the behaviors you mentioned are dangerous. He was probably testing you to see how compliant you would be. He asked you to stand, so he could look at your chest—and you did-- which was a test to see if you would do whatever he wanted, even if it was sexual. He stood too close to you and violated your natural space, which was another way to test your willingness to let him cross your normal boundaries.
The most obvious signal is telling you he doesn’t want his secretary to have a boyfriend. That is because he wants you all to himself and a boyfriend will not be happy if he hears your boss is making sexual demands. In addition, his request to have you live apart from your cousin is another attempt to keep you cut off from your family. You will be easier to control if no one is questioning where you are. And if he is married, he will want to come and spend time in your apartment. You will be easier to trap.
Finally, when he asked you to “convince him” about wanting the job, it was his way to test how desperate you are. He wants you to be desperate, so that you will be more likely to give in to his sexual and work demands. He wants your back up against a wall, so you won’t report him and you will do whatever he wants to keep your job. He wants full control.
In America there are laws about this kind of behavior. He has asked illegal interview questions and has crossed the legal line when he asked you to stand up with your blazer off, told you not to have a boyfriend, and not to live with your cousin. There is no job-related reason for those requests. He is praying on your naiveté and counting on the differences in culture to be his smoke screen.
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