Conflict worsened by manager who won’t confront problem

Dear Joan:

I am hoping that you can help me with this problem. I am working for a phone company for the past four years. At the beginning, I really enjoyed my job, which is data entry and I enjoyed my coworker but the past two years have been really tough.

There have been a lot of changes within our company. The way we are set up now is there are four of us in our group and we sit in a square, side by side. Two of my coworkers are really great team players but we have one coworker who seems to cause a lot of problems. She is very disruptive, slamming her desk drawer, kicking her foot stool, humming, yelling across the room, talking to herself, cursing and the list goes on. I don’t like to talk to her unless it is work related and neither do my coworkers.

I brought to her attention that when she does these things she is very disruptive. She didn’t like that, so she went to my supervisor and told her what I said. The four of us were called into a meeting with my supervisor and told that there has been some behavior problems that we have against this coworker and that we are treating her mean. She said that if it doesn’t stop we would all be written up.

This coworker has caused problems before with others and it seems that when we say something to her, she goes running to either the supervisor or the manager and they don’t even what to hear what we have to say and they take her side. I was given a counseling card and told that I should get some help.

I have never had any problems with my coworkers or supervisors. We don’t know what to do anymore, since no one is listening to us. One of my coworkers in the group has just given up. I feel the tension and stress within that group and asked to be transferred from there. I’m hoping you can give me some advice on what to do or who to turn to about this.

Answer:

When they talk about one rotten apple spoiling the barrel, they were referring to your immature coworker. Her childish behavior is like a bored first grader, who is acting out and begging for attention. And like the child she is, she runs to the teacher and tattles about her mean classmates who are simply trying to get her to act her age.

Your supervisor’s approach reminds me of the teacher who makes the whole class stay in for recess because one child was naughty. That kind of peer pressure doesn’t get the desired results in elementary school any more than it does here. Calling all four of you in and threatening a disciplinary “write up” has backfired and has caused resentment among the mature team members. It has also positively reinforced your tattling coworker, who is secretly smirking about your group spanking. She has discovered a powerful new tool for manipulating the situation to her favor.

As long as the supervisor and manager refuse to listen to anyone but the manipulative child, the three of you are out of luck. But the good news is that there are three of you and only one of her. With strength in numbers, here is a plan that might work.

See if your other two coworkers will join you in a plan. Suggest that the three of you go together to your supervisor and, in a positive tone, tell her that you have all discussed the situation and agreed that it’s important to work as a team. Tell her that you will not react when your coworker kicks, swears, yells or does other disruptive behaviors. Explain that you will ignore her behavior, in the hope that she will get tired of trying to annoy you. However, tell your supervisor that you plan on quietly documenting any behaviors that make it difficult for you to do your jobs.

It will help you to get through the little temper tantrum you are about to witness. Because you can be sure that your childish coworker will react when you stop noticing her antics. She will double her efforts and become even more obnoxious than before. But you may be able to endure it more easily silently knowing each of your coworkers is documenting exactly what she is doing and for how long.

If this evidence doesn’t cause your supervisor to take some appropriate action, you should pursue a transfer. You may also want to go to the Human Resources Department, if you feel they will be helpful. Hopefully, before you are forced to take the problem to HR, your supervisor will be smart enough to deal with the person who has the real problem.

Confronting poor performance, or difficult behaviors, is difficult for many managers.  Joan Lloyd’s How to Coach & Give Feedback audio learning system is a step-by-step approach to help you help your employees make changes in their performance that will enable them to succeed on the job.  Now available in CD!

Joan Lloyd works with executives and owners who want to improve the people side of their business, and with managers who want their employees to have a sense of ownership and commitment. She is a speaker and speaking coach, trainer & management consultant for companies of all sizes, from start-ups to the Fortune 500, as well as trade & professional associations across the country. Reach her at (800) 348-1944, Email info@joanlloyd.com, or www.JoanLloyd.com

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