Don’t let mistake dog you forever

Dear Joan:
I need help! I'm in the doghouse with my boss and I don't know how to get out. I made a huge mistake in front of him and his peers. He swatted me with a newspaper in front of everyone and I've had my tail between my legs ever since.

How do I recover? Do I roll over and play dead? Lick his boots? He's been ignoring me and I can't afford to get fired. I can't right the wrong but I can avoid the mistake the next time. In the meantime, how do I restore his confidence in me?

Answer:
You need to show the old dog that you've learned some new tricks. You may have embarrassed him in front of his peers and he's angry. Hopefully, his bark is worse than his bite. In fact, it might be good news that he's been avoiding you, since he might be trying to cool down.

Here are some ideas for you to rebuild the relationship:

·        Chew on this bone awhile before you approach your boss. Think through how the mistake happened and why. Determine an action plan that will convince your boss you'll prevent future mistakes.

·        Stop chasing your tail and go in to your boss and apologize. Tell him exactly how badly you feel. If it was a bonehead mistake, say so and tell him you're sorry. If he rubs your nose in it, accept it and move on.

·        Clarify how long your leash is. If you've stepped out of bounds, perhaps they weren't clearly defined. Discuss where your limits are so you don't cross into the wrong territory again.

·        Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Explain why you think you made the mistake and take responsibility for it. Don't point the finger of blame at him or you'll really get his back up. Even if he is partially to blame for the mistake, you're better off letting him admit that himself, once he's cooled down.

·        Don't beg. There's no need to whimper and whine. Simply show the appropriate amount of regret and assure him you won't make that mistake again. It's fair to say you understand that his confidence in you may be diminished but you intend to win it back. Once you're conversation is over, don't keep bringing it up. Put it behind you and move on.

·        Fetch a little bit. It won't hurt to try to make it up to him in small ways. Pay close attention to his needs, both stated and unstated. You need to repair the relationship as well as the mistake. Take the initiative and show a little extra consideration.

·        Ask him how to make it right with the other big dogs. Perhaps there is something you can do that will soften the mistake with his peers. Follow his advice exactly. Don't make it worse by slobbering all over them.

All of us wind up in the doghouse once in a while. You're going to make mistakes. How you bounce back says a lot about your character.

But sometimes the mistake is so large that it can be a career breaker. I doubt if this is the case with you. But if your boss or others tie a can to your tail and they won't let it go, the last resort may be to leave. However, I'd give it a good six months to dig out of this hole. Chances are, all will be forgiven.

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