Don’t let tattle tale get away with it just because he’s a man

Dear Joan:
I am one of six women working in an office with one male co-worker. The manager is a woman. The problem is that the man in the group spends a portion of every workday snooping into everyone else's business. He goes so far as to write us up for alleged mistakes that we make.

The manager has researched these memos and she has never found any of them to have any substance. He spends countless hours of precious work time documenting and writing these "gottcha" memos. Needless to say, this is destroying the team spirit in the group and is really affecting productivity. Unfortunately, our manager hasn't done anything about this. She is worried about bringing up this matter to him because he is the only male in the group and she is worried about the gender issue. Obviously, she's afraid he'll claim harassment.

What our manager doesn't know is that he is after her job. He has written her up, too. He is constantly looking for ways to make the rest of us look bad. We could use your advice.

Answer:
This is a good example of how a well-meaning issue such as gender sensitivity can go off the deep end. Welcome to Camp Runamuck. Although your manager is wise to consider his gender in this situation, let me ask a few questions that will help to put this in perspective:

·        If the work group were all female, would your manager have stepped in to temper this poison pen letter writing campaign?

·        Is this person's attempt to sabotage and destroy his co-workers hurting the performance and functioning of the team?

·        Is this behavior getting in the way of his own performance?

I suspect the answer to all these questions is "yes." If, so, it's time for your manager to step in.

It's apparent that this person either has a personal agenda or he is deeply troubled by how the unit is managed. If he has some legitimate concerns, they need to be identified and addressed, but it appears that he is hell-bent on finger pointing rather than on launching a sincere campaign to make some improvements.

In fact, your suspicions may be on target regarding his motives. He could be trying to prove how incompetent you all are in order to move up himself (god forbid). What he doesn't understand is that his tactics are misguided and are likely to backfire. He could end up looking like a petty, mean-spirited person with a personal agenda.

Although he is the only male, I don't think that is a significant part of this situation. Regardless of sex, age or race, this kind of behavior is inappropriate. Managers often misunderstand and over react when "protected classes" of people are involved. Often they let the person's "protected class" loom so large that they let it take priority over the important issue that should be faced. They tend to hold back necessary feedback because of race, age or gender. Gender sensitivity means simply to be aware of the differences. It doesn't mean to treat them with such kid gloves that everyone else suffers. This doesn't help anyone. The person themselves is cheated out of needed coaching and everyone else is cheated out of a fair set of rules that apply to everyone.

I suggest that your manager gather up the memos that have been written by your co-worker. She needs to analyze them for a common theme or pattern. Then she should set an appointment with Mr. X. During the meeting she could say something like this:

"Mike, over the past six months you've written eight memos criticizing your fellow workers' performance. I've researched each of these accusations and I haven't found any serious wrongdoing. I'd like to talk to you about several things. First, I'd like to know if there is something at the heart of these complaints that you would like to talk about with me. Second, I'd like to discuss some alternative methods to approach these concerns in the future."

During the meeting, your manager needs to point out that using a lot of work time to "write up" his fellow workers is counterproductive. She needs to explain how it's damaging the team and hurting his chances for advancement. She will need to explain how working together and resolving differences is the hallmark of successful people. Finally, she could suggest some ways he could deal with his co-workers on a face-to-face level. Obviously, if there are some things she could do to resolve some of his complaints she should agree to take those steps.

If he claims that she is harassing him because he is the only male, perhaps she can say, "Whether you are male or female makes no difference. In fact, if I didn't talk to you about these things because you are the only man in the group, then I would be treating you unfairly. You need to know that this is getting in your way."

In the meantime, make sure that you are open to hearing his concerns. Don't discount his complaints just because you don't like the way he communicates them. Being a good team player sometimes means you need to hear negative criticism that isn't delivered in a very constructive way.

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