Seek boss’ feedback despite bad feelings

Dear Joan:
I have been at my present job for just over two years and somehow my boss has developed what seems to be a real dislike for me. I honestly do not believe it is because of my performance or abilities. I have been passed over for promotion and find myself stuck in a dead end.

I have made it known that I'm looking elsewhere to further my career and was told by my boss that "You will never make it in this field," and when asked by potential employers about me, his opinion will be unfavorable.

I could say some unfavorable (but true) things about him in my own defense but know that "bad mouthing" a boss is not a good idea.

I prefer not to use him as a reference at all because he seems adamant in his opinion of me, but realize that potential employers are bound to end up talking to him. How do I defend myself to someone who doesn't know me without attacking my boss? (I do have other job experience and references to fall back on.)

Answer:
This situation is dripping with job poison and it may be too late for an antidote.

Unfortunately, your boss believes that you have a performance problem. In fact, he thinks you lack the necessary skills to succeed in your field. As hard as that is to swallow, you must consider why he believes this to be true. Either he hasn't given you any specific feedback or if he has, you haven't believed him.

The biggest surprise is why he hasn't fired you. Telling a boss you are job-hunting is always a dangerous move. Perhaps he thinks you'll find something and he won't have to fire you.

Although you don't want to, I suggest you ask your boss for specific details to help you understand why he thinks you're failing. You need this feedback to decide if his criticism is valid. Ask other people you trust for feedback, so you can get a broader perspective.

The biggest mistake you can make is to disregard his evaluation because you don't get along. Perhaps you have misinterpreted his criticism in the past and assumed it meant he didn't like you, when actually, it was your performance he didn't like.

As long as you are working there, you owe it to yourself to be "coachable." In other words, listen to his criticism and ask him for suggestions on how to improve it. You can't afford to have a venomous reference.

If your boss is a snake and you feel confident that you are a good employee who has been singled out for a bite, you will need to move cautiously. For example, I would not do a chronological resume. That will only invite inquiries about your last job. Instead, prepare a marketing letter without a resume. Include results and accomplishments and use it to get informational interviews.

Another approach is to do a functional resume that lists your accomplishments by skill category instead of job by job. This way, you will be able to tell your whole story and minimize your latest employment history. Most employers get nervous if you don't at least list your past employers after the skill section, however.

Use former bosses as references so employers won't be so eager to talk to your current boss. If you are made an offer and your potential employer asks to talk with your current employer say, "He doesn't know I'm looking and I would prefer that you not contact him. I'd be happy to give you names of some past bosses who have seen my work that is similar to what this position requires." (Three to four references are enough. Choose at least two bosses plus a former boss's manager, a customer or a peer. Friends and character references won't be enough.)

I encourage you to network like crazy in your chosen field so other professionals can get a taste of what you can do. Get very active in your professional organization for the same reason. You need to look so good that it will be evident that your boss is the problem, not you.

Do you need answers to tough job hunting questions?  Are you looking for some added punch to help you stand out from the crowd?  Joan Lloyd’s has developed job hunting tools that can help you to maximize your job search:

Savvy Negotiation Strategies to Get Paid What You’re Worth on a New Job (Detailed, special report)
Easy, Step-by-step Guide to Using the Internet to Land a Great Job (Detailed, special report)
How to Get Your Dream Job (VHS video)

The Resume that Gets Results and the Interview that Gets the Job (37 page, detailed instructions)